Back to the Grind
The car is fixed however, I plan to take Light Rail on Tuesdays and Thursdays and on the weekends to minimize the maintenance for the car. I just canceled my gym membership which is the one thing I never thought I would ever do but I think w/ my current obligations and responsibilities as well as the need to save for my project relocation, this is an ultimate sacrifice that will give me a bigger investment in return later.
I have changed. Whenever I faced obstacles, the only thing I do besides from panicking is more panicking and some delusional thinking, not to mention unrealistic solutions come to mind but this time I remained calm, optimistic, and reserved. My car broke down Monday night and I had to resort to taking public transportation which is a new thing for me but I did it and I made it through w/ a smile on my face.
Eating heathy and being in control of what is consumed is a new concept for me and I must say that my trip to NYC made me eat like that, in moderation because I wanted to eat every time we crossed the street. I have not spent any money on eating out on the weekdays and tonight marks the 7th day of me being Coke Zero free. I have to remember that nothing comes easy.
I just signed up for Netflix which will help me stay sane at home. Since I have Insanity, weights, and bands at home I will continue to workout in the morning and track my calories daily. I have to remember that things take time and I cannot skip meals anymore.
Slept just 2 hours and up since. Today will be a horrible day. Hope work is busy to keep my mind occupied. In the evening I have Christmas in the Park w/ the kiddos and will bake a lasagna for the potluck at work. I pray to sandwiches that there will be tons of drop shipments to make.
I witnessed one of my best friends getting proposed. I was so overcome w/ joy that all I remembered were tears falling and my best friend’s reaction. My friend is an amazing person w/ compassion, generosity, kindness, and so full of positive forces. I am still shocked and extremely happy for both of my friends. And it is thank to them, Michael and I hit a road block I never knew existed.
Both he and I have been married. I do not know nor need to know what happened in his past however, I know what happened in mine. Despite the events that happened that led my demise (marriage), I still have faith in happiness and marriage itself. I am not a religious person but being w/ someone that doesn’t believe in anything is a little difficult to conceptualize because mainly there is nothing to conceptualize. Michael does not believe in marriage and puts the blame on insecurity and government traps for marriage. Marriage is a big deal to me…. that is something we have discussed since yesterday. It is now confirmed that he wants 1 or 2 kids at the most because I already have 2, and anything more than that then there is a high chance he “won’t able to handle”.
I told him that I do not need him to propose to me now but I was hoping the relationship would go somewhere.. that we have a future (eventually).
Though crazy but I am glad we talked about it rather than going on w/o a clue of each other’s wants and needs.
Gym: 45 minutes of cardio.
Packed for the following day.
In bed: wiped the f*** out.
Taking care of 2 kids, working out, packed the necessities for both kids, dropping them off to get to work is heavily exhausting. I forgot my soup for lunch =(
Yes, I very well damn can!
I have limitless power and need to utilize it. What is the goal? To be at 108lbs. Why? To look very awesome. For whom? For myself, goddamn it.
When some things are quite the obvious, it is highly frustrating when the fact, the OBVIOUS fact is being denied. To those of you who are in a not-so-great relationship right now, assess your situation, your priorities, your needs, your wants, make your voice heard to that person.. if the things you need and want are not being mutually agreed and/or acknowledged then GTFO. It is quite obvious then that the person let you go and that they do not deserve you.
BTW- this post is not about me… #venting.
“The True Meaning of Sleeping Together”
Nothing dirty. Nothing Naughty. Just sleeping. It’s just sleeping with that someone and knowing that they’re in your arms and you’re in theirs. They want to feel close to you. They want to know they are the closest to your heart. They want to hear you breathe when you fall asleep as they sleep next to you. As you fall asleep, you want to cuddle with that someone and just the hold them close. It’s that moment where you don’t want to let go and that moment where you don’t want them to forget that this is a special moment.
That moment where everything feels so perfect, because being in his arms makes you feel safe and warm, protecting you from the world and letting you forget about your problems. I love nap time. :)
My dinner for the many days to come so I can cut my calories substantially. Following Lora’s advice, I just need to stop grabbing everything when grocery shopping. Let’s see if I am able to stick to lean proteins and cut out the carbs. OMG. I love sandwiches. I love Philly cheesesteaks. I am experiencing separation anxiety.
Had a good workout at the gym earlier. I need to take my midterm shortly then workout to Insanity.
Today is a rather gloomy day. It’s perfect to stay indoors and cook but too bad I can’t or else I will be an Asian marshmallow. F***.
I’m so dead serious this time. I will stick to my diet. I have the will, determination, and motivation to remain quite active through various physical outlets (gym, Insanity, and P90X) however, I tend to let my hunger and my cravings take over almost all the time. I need to stop hating the way I look so therefore I need to stick to what I say and stop BS’ing to myself.
Schedule to adhere to:
- Insanity in the morning, every morning
- Morning gym sessions on Mon., Wed., Fri., and Sat.
- After school gym sessions on Tues.
- Afternoon gym sessions on Sun. evenings
In other news, I have about 5 weeks of school remaining. And you know what that means after? Yup. Winter session! I will enroll in either 1 or 2 classes and then I will enroll myself into staffing agencies so that I can work, that is if they can help me find and land a job. I’ve been out of work for a year and it’s killing me although it is a good thing that I’m finally finishing up w/ school.
I have been applying to jobs in NYC however, I’m positive employers are reluctant to contact someone from out of state so my best bet is to continue to try but ultimately I need to have a good sum saved up (about $4k) before I can even consider hopping on the plane for good. These things cannot be rushed and I refuse to move blindly… I must do everything in my power and build a safety net for myself before anything else… #smartthinking!